big time rush; au
For the btrsecretsanta exchange, gift for x_noelian_x. :)
→ When Gustavo Roque offers him a chance at a Hollywood dream, Kendall says yes. But he’s thinking he made a terrible mistake.
James says he doesn’t want to talk to him for a week. Carlos smiles big and happy, but there’s that hint of sadness in his eyes. Katie fist pumps and runs to start packing. His mother sighs and pats his head with a wistful, “My little boy’s gonna make an album.”
And Kendall’s scared. Teeth-gritting scared. Not because of the whole leaving-for-Hollywood-to-work-with-a-psy
It’s the actual leaving part that’s got him on edge. The whole leaving-my-home-and-team-and-best-friend
Kendall explains all this to Logan as he paces in his bedroom. His mother’s baking congratulatory cookies and Katie’s passed out on top of a stuffed suitcase. James and Carlos had been gone for an hour with plans to throw him a Going Away to Hollywood Super Hollywood Themed Party (Carlos said this, while James did a lot of excited arm waving to keep up his Not Talking To Kendall promise).
But Kendall doesn’t want to think about partying.
“I don’t think I should have said yes. I mean, what was I thinking? I can’t do this, I don’t want to do this. Not if it means leaving everything I know, leaving behind you guys and hockey and Minnesota and everything I love. I should have said no, or I should’ve made a deal. Maybe you guys can come with me! We could go together! It would be fun, an adventure! We could call that Kelly woman, explain the whole idea and -- “
Logan reaches an arm out to still Kendall’s anxious movements. His eyes are full and heavy with thought. Kendall tightens his lips and lets Logan pull him down until he’s sitting on the bed.
“You know that can’t happen. This isn’t about me or James or Carlos. This is about you. This is your chance, you know, to go out there and try something big and scary and new.”
Kendall sighs and rolls his head back. There’s still those crappy little glow-in-the-dark stars stuck to his ceiling, and he remembers him and Logan laughing and stretching arms and fingers up high to press them up there all those years ago. They’re old and faded, but they still glow every night.
He turns to Logan and their eyes meet. “And you. You haven’t said anything about this, other than, ‘This is your chance, Kendall. You should do this, Kendall. This could be great, Kendall.’ You’re always the panicky one, so how can you be so calm about it all? How do you really feel, Logan? Do you want me to go?”
Logan’s eyebrows scrunch together. “What do you think? Of course I don’t want you to go. You’re my best friend and sometimes I can’t even think of what life would be like if you weren’t. Cause if it weren’t for you, I’d probably spend all my time with my nose in books loathing myself cause I never do anything fun. And I hate imagining going back to school without you walking next to me. I probably won’t be able to concentrate on anything but wondering what you’re doing in Hollywood, what kind of silly love songs you’ll be singing or dorky dance moves you’ll be learning. Watching you drive away is going to be the suckiest day of my life, because you’re Kendall Knight and I don’t think I can live without you.”
Kendall forgets to breathe for a moment, and Logan’s face floods with blushed embarrassment.
“Logan -- ”
“I’m going to miss you, man. More than you’ll ever know. But. Sometimes when life chucks lemons at you, you’ve got to squeeze them for all their worth and see what they make. Even if it means breaking my heart.”
Something inside Kendall teeters over the edge and he doesn’t realize he’s moving until he feels the soft touch of Logan’s lips to his. He gasps a little and Logan’s eyes bulge wide, but Kendall goes with it. They gently press mouths together for a few seconds, Kendall’s right hand reaching up to palm Logan’s cheek.
When they break apart, Kendall stands and Logan stares and they can’t really find any words to say. Clearing his throat, Kendall turns to his dresser and grabs the first item he finds.
“Here,” he says, holding out a striped sweater. “I want you to have this. For while I’m gone.”
Logan takes it hesitantly, a smile creeping onto his face.
“It’s my promise,” Kendall continues. “That I’ll come back. And I’ll still be the same Kendall Knight. And hopefully you’ll still be the same Logan Mitchell. If this deal doesn’t work out and in three months I’m back, you and me. It’s, well. A promise.”
Logan doesn’t answer at first, lifting the sweater up to his nose to take a quick whiff.
“Don’t take this the wrong way,” Logan says as he pulls the sweater over his head. “But I’ll be really happy if your burgeoning musical career gets shot down.”
Kendall barks a laugh before jumping onto the bed to tickle a half-sweatered Logan.
Three months and two weeks later, Kendall strides out of the terminal gates with one arm full of his duffle bag carry on and the other around his mother’s shoulder.
“I told you, Mom. It’s fine. The only thing I’m going to miss are the people and that pool. Otherwise I’m completely happy to be home.”
Katie snorts as she trails behind. “Could’ve at least waited to get your demo rejected until after I’d finished my snow cone stand idea. Worst big brother ever.”
Mama Knight rolls her eyes and leans over to press a firm kiss against Kendall’s head. “Don’t listen to her. You’re perfect the way you are.”
And although usually Kendall would smile and thank his mom for being such a wonderfully cheesy mother, he is distracted by the sight that greets him as he walks toward the baggage area.
James and Carlos and Logan are huddled together holding a big sign that reads, “Congratulations on Failing Your Hollywood Dreams!!” And Kendall can’t help but laugh, break away from his mother and jogs toward the group.
Logan’s eyes find him and it’s all over. Duffle bag is tossed, feet start running, and before he can count to three he’s got Logan in his arms.
“You’re back,” Logan breathes into his ear.
“I am,” Kendall responds, pulling away long enough to reveal his sloppy grin and give Logan a quick look. “You kept my sweater!”
Logan flashes a smile and begins to blush, and Kendall loves the way his clothes look on the other boy. It fills his insides with a warmth he couldn’t feel in California.
“Well, you kept your promise.”
Kendall feels his heart swelling even more and all he wants to do is squeeze Logan tight and kiss him breathless. But before he can do either, he is tackled by two other boys.
“You’re home! You’re home! You’re home! You’re home!”
As Kendall is surrounded by his three best friends, pressed cheek-to-cheek with Logan while Carlos and James hug him from either side, he knows he’s where he should be.